Wednesday, August 26, 2009

What if mum threw a tantrum?

I was thinking. What if, for just one day, I could swap places with my toddler and I could be the one to throw a tantrum?

I'd throw myself on the floor, wailing I'm done changing diapers! I'm done holding people down to prevent poo from being smeared all over the floor while they wriggle and whine and act as though I'm torturing them!

I'd stand outside the laundry room slapping the door and wailing no no no I won't do the laundry! I won't do it! You'll all have to wear smelly clothes for eternity! Waaah!

I'd stop in the middle of the road, with cars piling up around me, sobbing uncontrollably but I don't wanna go home yet! You can't make me! I wanna go to out to dinner and the movies and come back at 1 a.m. slightly drunk!

I'd stand in the middle of the store stomping my feet and bellowing this store blows! There's something wrong with their clothes - they used to fit me! They did they did! Someone make them fit me again! And I'm not leaving until someone gives me a pair of Pradas and a Chanel 2.55 bag!

I'd throw the remote control at the telly and yell dammit if I ever hear that frigging song "backpack, backpack", again, I will grab Dora by the scruff of her neck and strangle her and her backpack.

I'd refuse to eat my food and with a scowly face inform everyone at the table I want pizza and salad, cooked by someone else and delivered to me. And with no calories. Now!

I'd pull the covers over my head and refuse to get out of bed in the morning, droning from beneath the sheets there's no way in hell I'm going through another day like yesterday! I wanna sleep til noon dammit. Get someone else stand in for me.

What would your tantrum be over?
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9 comments:

Chandra said...

All the above :)

..... Carmen said...

I like the coming back at 1 am and slightly drunk tantrum - lol.

Mwa said...

Pretty much the same, plus

Stop saying "mama" a hundred times a minute! Especially if you don't have anything to say, you just want my attention.

liliana said...

LOL you are hilarious! My tantrums would include all of the above!

Loukia said...

BEST POST OF THE WEEK! This was just perfect. Thank you for this! I will be thinking of this when I'm woken up nice and early at 6 am tomorrow, only I am not escaping to go to work, I'm home for 4 days! Oh, boy! I love it, but man sometimes those tantrums you described? I so wnat to do them! Especially about wanting to not go home yet, to go out and have some fun! I want to go to the movies already! Loved this post!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Noooo! I don't want to get up at 6:00 AM on weekends!!! I want to sleep in. Waaaah.

Nap Warden said...

All of the above..."I don't wanna change poopy diapers!"

Name: Holly Bowne said...

Hmmm...what would my tantrum be over? Let's see...

It's my turn to play on the computer! Mine, mine, mine!!! Ha, ha, ha!

Kelly said...

Great list!

I think my tantrum would "Just leave me alone! I want to sit by myself and do nothing! No cooking, cleaning or work"