"Here's your Christmas present" said Daniel.
"Thanks." I said, taking the clumsily wrapped package from him. "I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore."
"Oh." He said. "Okay."
(I can hear you calling me a biatch down the interweb tubes y'know.)
I walked home, a five minute journey from school to my house, feeling ashamed and absolutely horrible and experiencing, for the first time, the emotional pain that was to do with hurting someone else.
I was nine. And although our childish boyfriend-girlfriend enactment wasn't real - how can it be at nine - that moment has stuck with me.
It's a peculiar thing - hurting people. Often it's done without intention: a passing remark is taken as a purposeful dig; an action is perceived as deliberately unkind; an inaction is seen as careless or cruel.
And when you think about it, there are so many ways you can hurt others, intentionally or unintentionally. I think about it a lot.
And then the light shone forth upon the land and she realized she needed to stop being so lame and do something about it.
Lately, instead of dwelling on the idea of hurt, I've been considering the opposite: thinking of ways I can make people happy.
Yes. Happy. Happiness. (Off topic but that reminds me, it really irritates me that that film with Will Smith is spelled The Pursuit of Happyness. Ack.)
One of things I plan to do is tell people why I love them. Because often I think about it, but I don't say it. And then I think, oh I must tell that person one day. Because it would mean a lot to them. And that day never seems to come. And one day it will be too late. And the thought of the hurt and guilt I'd feel for leaving it too late scares the crap out of me.
(Are you reaching for the tissues yet?)
It sounds obvious, simple, but how often in your life have you actually taken the time to think about and write down all the things you like and appreciate about someone close to you? Me - maybe never? (I suck)
And actually it's something I've learned from blogging - how much it means to be actually told you're good at something, or you make me laugh, or you've really made me think about this subject. To be actually told out loud, on paper, by email, or whatever. It means something.
For instance, recently I've been thinking about how much I love and respect my parents, and how, now that I have kids of my own, I understand and appreciate what they went through as parents. But I've never said it out loud - it's one of those things that's assumed, but not said.
I probably won't do it in person, or on the phone, because I'm not that brave. But I will record it on paper, because that's what I do better. And that way they'll have a record of it too.
What about you? Do you ever feel the need to spread the happiness (note correct spelling)?