Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Is it a bird? Is it a dildo? No, it's a mascara!

Every few months, cosmetic advertisers reveal some new make up product that's guaranteed to make your lashes longer, your lips fuller, your skin flawless, etc. All in aid of making big bucks. Oh what? Sorry, um, all in aid of making us more beautiful.

And every month I chuckle to myself because when it comes to advertising - especially of the cosmetic variety, I'm prone to extreme cynicism and distrust. Take mascara, for instance. Have you noticed how the models in the ads are wearing false eyelashes? FALSIES. Lies. It's insanity. INSANITY I tell you.

Last night, I watched a mascara ad that reached an all time high of comical proportions: VIBRATING MASCARA. Maybelline Pulse Perfection, to be more precise.

Transforms your lashes to perfection apparently. Vibrates 7,000 times per stroke. Mmm hmm.

Um. Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

Let's see. It's long and cylindrical. It's for women. It vibrates.

Is this not a D.I.D.?

A Dildo In Disguise.

?

Anyway. Whatever.

I was thinking. Let's just cut the crap and make a mascara that does everything a woman wants. So, not being one to stop when it's appropriate, I have designed my own mascara.

It called the Supreme Perfection Vibratron 6000.






I'll let you know as soon as it's available in the stores.
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9 comments:

..... Carmen said...

Ha! Love it :)

Loukia said...

This is awesome! Haha! Great invention... hurry up and get this thing patented! I love it! You're so creative, you know...

Sparkless said...

Ya but does it make your lashes extra long and beautiful? LOL!!

All that advertising crud is something I love to point out to my kids to hopefully educate them not to waste so much money on stuff that doesn't do what the ad shows you it does. I'd have a million dollars if someone had taught me that lesson. Oh well, I guess it's better to learn the lesson in your 40's than never at all.

Mwa said...

I want to reserve my very own right now!

Really Rachel said...

A vibrating mascara?! What were they thinking?!
I've got an award for you over at mine... :o)

Mad Mom said...

And I thought my heated eyelash curler was a great invention. This is Brilliant! I love how the social networking part of it is pretty much the base for everything else :)

Chandra said...

The headline intrigued me...and so worth the read! I have seen the commercial and wondered the SAME thing. It's two for the money, long lush lashed, check. Feeling a little bit naughty..check. ;)

I like your design better btw, simple yet practical!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I think you are absolutely ready for QVC.

Lady Mama said...

Loukia - thanks, hehe, yes I will get right onto that patent!

Sparkless - don't worry I too have spent ridiculous amounts of money on cosmetics, despite the cynicism.

Mad Mom - yes the social networking is key of course!