Thursday, September 17, 2009

It was Lady Mama, in the Library, with the Candlestick.

A friend asked if I'd like to do a program at the local library with her - a story time reading session for kids. I love that kind of thing - seeing a huddle of little faces listening attentively to a story being read to them out loud. And it's free. Great.

I had to decline. You see, there's something I have to confess. I can't go back to my local library. Maybe never again.

As we speak, library security people with menacing faces and large nets are waiting behind the doors to swipe at me and hold me captive in their library vault and torture me until I finally give in and admit I'm an awful, terrible library customer person.

You see, I owe them money. Eleven dollars and a few cents. Maybe more now - if they charge interest... oh crap, didn't think of that. Maybe now I owe eleven thousand dollars.

Actually it's not my fault - it's my son's. He decided to be born two weeks earlier than expected (nothing to do with me fulfilling a sudden urge to dig an 8 x 4' vegetable patch in the rain) and I had borrowed all these magnificent titles from the library - things like The Idiots Guide To Not Dropping Your Baby On His Head In The First Week.*

And as I sat with my new bundle of soft wonderfulness in my arms - a first time mum, prouder than proud and completely absorbed by my baby, the books were left, abandoned on the shelf. Occasionally I'd catch sight of them on my way to a diaper change and think Not now, books. Who are actually no help to me whatsoever and much more suited to gathering dust on my shelf.

Eventually I did return them to the library. But instead of going in and paying the stupid fee like a normal person, I dropped the books into the little return slot in the library wall with some kind of half-hearted intention of paying it another time. Or something. Yeah right.

And I never did. And I kept thinking... must pay that library fee... must do it soon... really really must do it soon.... And now it's two years later and I still haven't paid it.

Now? They probably have my name on their indelible red ink list of BAD CUSTOMERS THAT SHALL NEVER BORROW A BOOK OR GRACE THE STEPS OF OUR ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN.

But I want to borrow their dusty old books. I want to take Matthew to their free reading classes. And I want to peruse the shelves just because I feel like it.

So, soon I shall go in, tail between legs and pay the silly fine.

Because who knows when I might need to borrow something useful like How To Toilet Train Your Toddler Without Any Peeing Bunnies Or Other Strange Props*. Or Something.

*Not real books. Just plain silliness.
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Scary Mommy said...

I find the library to be one of the most stressful places on earth--- the need for children to be quiet, to keep sticky hands away from books and then never let those books out of their site once we're home... It's all way too much for me!

Maternal Tales said...

Award for you at mine x

..... Carmen said...

Ahem. I have library books that are from when I was in elementary school. Yes, I just admitted it. From our school library. I have also had to go into the public library and pay ridiculous fees. I'm not a good library person either. Nate says I shouldn't be allowed to own a card.

Mwa said...

I still have a book from university. From about four years ago. Must go back and return that.

LZ @ My Messy Paradise said...

I can totally relate. Once they become overdue, it just gets harder and harder to return them. I would do the drop box, too.
If it makes you feel any better, I thought I was blacklisted from my library, too, but then went to get a new card when my daughter wanted to go. All was fine. Yes, they made me pay a $5 fine, but I hardly got any eye rolling from the old ladies at the desk.

James (SeattleDad) said...

I have owed our local library $1.00 for years. Doesn't stop me from checking out books, movies, and em..Cd's to rip. Just sits there at $1.00.

Sparkless said...

Goodness just go in and return your books and pay your fine. Much easier than all that guilt.

Maria @BOREDmommy said...

I used to love going to the library with my little people, but they are too loud and too all over the place to enjoy it. Its stressful from the minute we get there til the minute we leave. Not fun.

Elisa, The Unlikely Housewife said...

oh, girl, 11 dollars is not worth missing out on free books. I would be lost without my local library. In fact I am pretty lost now, since I have recently returned to Zurich and still cannot locate my library card. Swiss library people hate when you lose your card.

Hey, if you find that toilet training book, give me the ISDN, will you? sounds like one I should get, since I am failing miserably at potty training Stella.