Thursday, October 1, 2009

How to look like you've got this parenting thing down

Be calm and witty even in the most sweat-inducing situation.
When your child is throwing a tantrum in public, calmly smile at the strangers staring open-mouthed at you and tell them "This is nothing. You should see my meltdown!"

Look ridiculously good.
Wear pretty shoes. Because if you're wearing nice shoes, or say, sandals that show off a pedicure, you MUST be an uber cool mum who, despite all those kids hanging around your neck, still finds the time to be glamorous.

Create picture-perfect moments and send them to everyone you know.
Get your kids dressed up and take them to the park, then snap them smiling and frolicking (spontaneously, of course!) in the autumn leaves. Then post the pictures on Facebook / put them in holiday cards / frame them.

Pretend to be super-organized. (unless you ARE organized, in which case, no need to pretend.)
Organize your bag so that, when you need emergency supplies in a pinch, you can pull them out oh so cooly. Which is much more elegant than foraging through your massive bag for five minutes, finding nothing but a crusty old sock and a half-eaten brownie. Everyone will think you're extremely organized.

Create an illusion of neatness in your home.
Attack your cluttered entryway with spears and daggers. No wait, with the feather duster. Arrange the mishmash of shoes, coats, scarves and hats into storage boxes, racks and hooks. That way, when people first walk into your house, they'll be wowed and impressed by your neatness.

Be ready with a last ditch attempt to pretend everything's FINE.

Take a comb with you when you go out so that if all else fails, everyone can still have tidy hair.
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Perfectly Happy Mum said...

too much to improve in one go... I am feeling like a total failure already! So far the only thing I can show off is the pedicure only because I threw a tantrum yesterday and locked myself in the bathroom away from mayhem to indulge in an hour of pampering. It was becoming a must when hair on my legs started getting stuck in the fabric of trousers, pinching my poor legs!
I am very good at rumaging through my bag without finding anything. Sometimes I even leave the house without nappies AND I have 2 boys in nappies, that's double the risk!!

Mwa said...

You realize pretending to be organized IS being organized, right?

Loukia said...

Fantastic post, my friend. I too will sometimes act all calm if my boys are acting up and throwing a temper tantrum... and I'm just like, 'Oh, sweetie, haha.. get up now.' And then I'll calmly flip through a magazine. Actually, this usually works. If you pretent to be calm it works! :)

Sparkless said...

And remember when you forget your wipes and your child's face get messy to wipe child's face with the inside of his or her shirt so it won't show.
I learned that one from my sister. LOL!

robin said...

Great tips! :)
Happy GNO!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I am so printing this out and putting it on my fridge!! LOVE it!! :)

Happy VGNO! :)

Mandala Michelle said...

I totally do the shoe thing! Good hair and funky-cool shoes hides a lot.

Anonymous said...

Love this post. I can give myself the organized badge LOL. Stopping in from the VGNO. Have a great weekend.

Shop with Me Mama said...

Hahha! LOVE this list! I am printing it out too! Happy VGNO :)

Alicia @ bethsix said...

This is fantastic! Hee. I have four kids, so it's almost useless to even PRETEND anymore.

Today is my first time doing VGNO and first time here. You're definitely fun, I can tell. :) Adding you to my reader. Happy Friday!

Tania said...

Happy VGNO!

LZ @ My Messy Paradise said...

Have you ever seen that book "The Posh Mom Life" or something like that? It talks about a lot of this, basically trying to encourage moms to get their acts together.
My act is not together, and I like to say that I wouldn't want friends or people in my life that I have to put on a show for, or pretend that parenting is easy, always fun, etc. Who am I kidding? I would love to be the mom that makes it look easy, but that would take waaaay too much work!

Carolee / Home4ever said...

Great post! I neeed to follow some of that stuff:

Nice hair instead of putting my hat over "bad hair"

Pedicure and sandles instaed of sneakers or slip ons.

I pretty much (on most days) have "the cool" on when kids are having a fit. said...

All incredibly great hints!! Thank you so much!!

And I'm enjoying your blog. Keep up the great work!

Maternal Tales said...

Darling I think you might just be talking about me, ahem ;-))


Maria @BOREDmommy said...

I find faking it works wonders. Plus a nice handbag always helps.