Friday, October 16, 2009

Weird Children

Sometimes kids do strange things. Like hiding in a box in the garage while half of North America holds its breath and watches a helium balloon descend from the sky in trepidation.

And though I didn't ever pull anything quite so stupid daring, I definitely had my own set of peculiarities.

For instance.

I asked the milkman to grant my wishes.
When I learned about the tooth fairy, I began leaving little notes under my pillow for her, asking for all kinds of things - barbies, ponies, care bears, sherbet fountains... I figured, if she could grant me a wish each time I lost a tooth, she was probably fluttering around somewhere close by and therefore wouldn't mind granting me a few wishes in between teeth losses. So, each night, I left little notes asking her politely for all manner of random toys, and I always included the most important one - a set of free wishes.

And then, I figured that if the tooth fairy could grant wishes, then hey - the milkman probably could too. Right? (Those were t'days of milk being delivered).

So one day, I stuffed a rolled-up scrap of paper into an empty milk bottle on the doorstep, onto which was scribbled a LONG list of things that I wanted. And then I waited excitedly for the milkman to grant ALL my wishes.

And can you believe it? That miserable bastard... not only did he NOT grant my wishes, but he didn't even write back to me. I never trusted milkmen again after that.

I charged people entry to my "museum".

Maybe I was an eager little capitalist, or maybe I wanted to be a curator - I don't know, but one day I decided to start a museum in my bedroom and charge my family an entry fee. I took random objects from my room and lined them up on makeshift tables. Then I stood at one end, a purse strapped to my hip, with a very curator-ish look on my face and welcomed my visitors.

I convinced my friends to perform my "art".
When I was about seven, I invited a few friends over to my house. The little friends had no idea they were about to be initiated into a singing, dancing, performing group. We huddled around the piano as I prodded the notes and we screeched out songs like "Don't Cry For Me Argentina." Like Glee but, um, not.

Then, when I was ten, I wrote a short play and persuaded my classmates perform it in front of the entire school. Being the bossy little lady that I was, I handed out scripts and had my friends meet up almost every day to rehearse the play. Somewhere there are pictures of kids dressed as ghosts, dancing to Thriller, and also a copy of the program.

...Yes, I was a bit of an odd child. But, you'll be pleased to know I turned out to be perfectly normal in the end.

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LZ @ My Messy Paradise said...

We did the same with a 'museum'! Made stupid drawings and play dough sculptures.

I was convinced that I had Wonder Woman powers. Wore the under-roos all the time. Dressed in a costume throughout the year...I was her. She was me.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Perhpas you made the milkman's 'naughty' list by tricking your firend into being your preformer.

Just a wild guess.

Badass Geek said...

If I listed all the weird things I did as a kid, I'd be here all day.

Metropolitan Mum said...

I never had friends and still don't have 'em. That's why I got pregnant and had a baby. I am producing my own little performance group. HA! HA! HA!
PS: You might want to join. I am not buying the last bit anyway.

Chic Mama said...

I don't think I will confess to my own peculiarities. Love yours though. :0)

Mwa said...

I would never have dared to stage a play like that. I'm impressed!

Mocha Dad said...

You mean Milk Men really don't grant wishes? I've been duped.

Loukia said...

I would have loved to have been your best friend! Even now, you're awesome! I love that you left a wish list with the milkman... I can't believe he never even wrote you back! If I had received something like that from a child, I totally would have at least done something back! How cool would that have been? Love the museum story...

Captain Dumbass said...

What good are friends if you can't twist them to your needs?

Tara said...

Haha! Awesome. Did you make any money at your "museum"? ;)

Lady Mama said...

LZ - Oh I loved Wonder Woman too... one year (when I'm thin) I'm totally going to be WW for halloween.

James - Em, hmm, didn't think of that...

Badass Geek - I'm very patient...

Metro Mum - Hahaha. Sign me up.

Chic Mama - Can't be any worse than mine! ;)

Mwa - I was pretty ballsy back then!

Mocha Dad - Can you believe that?

Loukia - Aww thanks honey!

Captain Dumbas - Exactly my thinking.

Tara - You know, I don't even remember! If I did it would probably have been spent immediately. Nothing's changed.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I LOVE the museum. Hilarious. And the play at school? You must have been a force to be reckoned with...