Monday, December 14, 2009

Minus 30 degrees: I live here.

When Dean Martin sung the lyrics "The weather outside is frightful...." I'd be willing to bet he was not talking about -30 degree weather. Because if he was, he might instead have sung "The weather outside is so painfully bad I want to wrap the wool of ten lambs around my body and roll around on hot coals for a day...". And that just doesn't have the same ring to it.

It's true though, -30 happens here. And you know what happens when the temperature plummets to levels so unfathomable that it's almost laughable in a crying kind of way?

Well, let's see...

• Your nose hairs freeze in the time it takes to walk fifteen feet from your house to your car.

• Your back door freezes shut because of the dog door and the crappy window that needs replacing and you have to kick the crap out of the damn thing to open it.

• You drive from one store to the next, even though they're only ten meters apart, and you don't care because it's too cold.

• You laugh out loud at the suggestion of leaving the house because the thought of it is on a par with going outside to the garden and making snow angels in your underwear.

• When you really have to go out, you bundle your toddler up in his winter coat, snow pants, snow boots, hat, scarf and mittens. Then you do the same for your baby. Then you struggle out the back door - which you must first kick the crap out of to open - all of you resembling the Michelin man - to the car. Then you wonder what the hell was worth going out for.

• You mention the weather while on the phone to your parents and they proceed to laugh and shake their heads at the idea that you moved to a place where temperatures reach such depths.

• You eat too many Christmas cookies and chocolates and general comfort foods because you're stuck indoors and subconsciously building up extra body fat in case of an emergency.

Get the picture?

So here's the thing. I was thinking about the first people to settle in Alberta. What they were thinking when they arrived here and decided to stay? Here's how I picture the scene.

What's the weather like by you?
Stumble ThisFav This With TechnoratiAdd To Del.icio.usDigg ThisAdd To Reddit Bookmark Twitter


Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Oh that cartoon did make me giggle.

Just had our first big snow of the year here, -15 is on its way. It is MISERABLE when it gets this cold, but does make me feel less guilty about the hot chocolate!

Chic Mama said...

Oh poor you....I went skiing once, with the children, when it was -30. Painful!
I can't imagine living somewhere with temperatures that low for a long period of time.
Actually as I look out of my kitchen window it couldn't look more beautiful.....very cold for here and a heavy frost and the sun is trying to shine.
May try and take a picture.
Take care of you and those babies and yes you need fattening up to keep you warm. When I'm on the thin side I really feel it over winter. XX

Very Bored Housewife said...

Oooh I'll stop feeling sorry for myself then, it's 5 degrees here and very windy but I guess you'd think that quite balmy.

Heather said...

ha ha ha, sounds very familiar. its -23 here as i write this.

You forgot the bit about having to plug your car in for 2 hours before even thinking about going anywhere, and leaving it running outside every shop for fear that it might freeze up again.

Jules said...

It is pretty much the same here in Wisconsin. I woke up to a balmy minus 3 this morning. I totally relate to your post!

Loukia said...

Oh sweetie, I KNOW, I KNOW! I feel your pain... I HATE WINTER IN CANADA and I've lived here my entire life!! (except for a year when I lived in Greece and a few months in the US!) The minus 30 days are HORRIFIC. We are not meant to live here, in this climate! I complain all winter long. I get SAD. I need a vacation down south. Then I get depressed when we come back home. And dressing up the kids to get them into the car, NIGHTMARE!!! They hardly fit in their car seats with all their 'gear' on. YUCK! And my 4 year old loves being outside... I'm like, 'noooo!!!!!' come in, come in! Anyway... we'll get through it, again. SIGH. We must have a lower life expectancy, though. Because we're like, miserable for 6 months out of the year! Loved your post, mama. Excellent!

Sparkless said...

You really should move to BC. The weather is much more civilzed here.

Karen @ If I Could Escape . . . said...

Yikes! I can't imagine although I do miss the regular old cold, ye know like the British winter cold.

P.S. It's 80 degrees today.

Metropolitan Mum said...

They say snow and 3 degrees C tomorrow. Guess I can live with that :)

Amanda said...

But didn't today's -8 feel positively tropical? And 0 tomorrow, whoo-hoo! But then it'll get all slushy and we can complain about the mess. Our back sliding door has been frozen shut for days, luckily we have the other door to let the dog out. And last night the front door deadbolt was frozen open. But who in their right mind would be out in -30 to perpetrate a B&E anyway, right?

Mwa said...

I can't even imagine how tough that must be on a daily basis. We have about three degrees here just now, I think. Cold enough for me.

OHmommy said...

We must be neighbors!

Im wearing my Uggs boots right now. In door! And my minivan door doesn't slide open unless I warm up the car for a bit. IN THE GARAGE!


Random said...

I love the cartoon. May I use it to illustrate to friends just what it is like in my hometown?
(Incidentally, I am from Alberta and just want to say... minus forty-six, or minus sixty with windchill factored in, ROCKS! For bragging purposes, of course. I mean, no one actually wants to LIVE in good ol' northern Canada.)

Nap Warden said...

Yeah...did you see my post about all the car doors freezing shut? I hear you. Why the heck did folks settle in the land of cold? Love the cartoon:)

Canadian Bald Guy said...

-30? LOL...welcome to Canada, my dear. Heck...I go golfing in -30!


Lady Mama said...

Brit in Bosnia - Ooh yes hot chocolate makes it better. Good idea.

CM - Yes it can be rather painful. Especially if you're out in for more than 5 minutes.

VBH - 5 degrees is a heatwave! Bah.

Heather - Blah. Yes plugging in the car - forgot that. Fun. Ugh.

Jules - Not nice!

Loukia - I know you get what I mean. I think the vacation is an excellent idea.

Sparkless - Yes I should, though I've heard it's very rainy and cloudy and that's almost worse than the cold.

Karen - Boo! ;)

Met Mum - Bah! :)

Amanda - And today? Zero. I practically went out in my bikini. (obviously not though cus I don't own a bikini)

Mwa - Yes, three degrees is perfectly manageable.

OHMommy - Haha! I can totally relate.

Random - Hi! :) Thanks. Yes you may show it to your friends. And yes for bragging purposes I suppose it's okay!

Nap Warden - I didn't see that. Will have to take a look!

CBG - No way you don't go golfing in -30!

Elaine A. said...

Can I tempt you with 45 degrees F? Come on down and warm up girl! I've got hot cocoa... ;)

P.S. My cousin lives in St. Albert and when I went to visit in September one year I was COLD.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I love your drawings. You should start your own line of humorous greeting cards. At least start an Etsy shop.

And I will now stop complaining about the big snow we just had...