Monday, December 21, 2009

'Tis the season for Spanx

Oliver was born almost one year ago. It's taken me almost all that time to shrink most of the way back to my old size. And all of that good work is about to be undone by Christmas.

Because every year around this time I abandon any semblance of good eating habits. The holiday becomes one giant unapologizing excuse to consume almost every high-calorie, sugary, fattening treat that crosses my path.

This past weekend was the start of it. There were multiple-course dinners. Appetizers of cheese and olives, cheese and broth fondues, seafood, roasts, desserts, cookies and wine.

Cheese will seriously be the death of me. I will one day be found floating face down in a giant fondue pot.

I suppose if you're not a food lover you might be able to resist some, if not all the holiday treats. Me? Not even a little bit. I love food and this is one time that I give in to the many temptations and indulge to my heart's delight.

Unfortunately the indulging is just a precursor to the extra pounds that will taunt me in January. And the cookie-induced poundage is not helped by the fact that two weeks ago, in some kind of crazed state of madness I purchased a pair of jeans that were slightly too small.

What the hell? I know. It's a heinous fashion crime, on a par with white socks and sandals. Jeans that don't quite fit are bad bad bad. But they were the old, old size! The size before all babies. And as I pulled on the jeans over my legs and bum and fastened the zipper, I almost shrieked with joy in the fitting room. In fact I think I may have shrieked a bit.

The problem is not the legs and bum - it's the tummy. The post-baby tummy. The stubborn, wobbly bastard area of skin that's laughing at me when I pull on my jeans. Everything else is shrinking back into place. But the stomach? Forget it. It shakes a little when it laughs at me like a bowl full of jelly.

Damn it.

So now, really, there's only two ways to combat the jelly belly: Hundreds of crunches every day. Or Spanx.

The crunches will have to wait until the new year when I'm full of good intentions. Right now 'tis the season for brie and Stilton and chocolate-covered blueberries and port, and nylon body compressors.
Stumble ThisFav This With TechnoratiAdd To Del.icio.usDigg ThisAdd To Reddit Bookmark Twitter


Chic Mama said...

Oh I'm the same. I've stuffed my face for the last two weeks for some reason knowing full well that I'm going to faced with a lot more over the next week.
Yep, legs and bottom fine here too but need surgery to ever expose my belly again.

Sparkless said...

I hate to say it but your tummy will never go back to what it used to be and that's the ugly truth. Unless you have surgery having those babies stretches that skin and it never really bounces back totally. I know mine has never gone back no matter how much I starve myself or do long workouts there's always going to be a wobbly bit there that just won't go away.
I say we should call it a badge of bravery for being a mother and make it a new must have for everyone! Be proud of your motherhood even if it wobbles a bit.

Elaine A. said...

Don't even get me started on the baby belly. It's the worst for me this third time around. Seriously, BAD NEWS!

And yeah, totally making it worse until after the holidays because chocolate and me are like this {crossing middle and index finger...}

Midwest Mommy said...

Ugh, the stomach! Ugh! I know what you are talking about!!

Lady Mama said...

Chic Mama - I don't know what it is - something about this time of year just makes me stop caring!

Sparkless - I guess there'll always be a little wobble there even when I become super fit and athletic next year. Ahem.

Elaine - I say we start afresh in the new year and enjoy the chocolate in the mean time.

Lady Mama said...

Midwest Mommy - yes, ugh, exactly.

Heather said...

urgh, I'm just trying not to think about my expanding waist line whilst I gorge over Christmas. Plenty of time for feeling shitty later, right now it's Christmas! :)

Metropolitan Mum said...

Floating in a cheese fondue? Nice prospect, although I'd prefer to be face up.
I hear you on buying wrong sized jeans - my body is still changing, i.e. jeans I bought 2 months ago already don't fit anymore. They have been of the cheap version (GAP sale for 20 pounds), but I am dreaming of a very nice pair of very nice jeans to do my newly shrinked bum justice. *sighs* I guess I just have to wait a little longer.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I've had a couple of times post pregnancy that I was just as thin as I was in my early 20s (when the yo yo was swinging lower on the scale that is) and my stomach was STILL loose and gross. It's just another pregnancy battle scar I guess. So just enjoy the size down pants and wear looser tops.

I realized that I gained my holiday weight the night of our Thanksgiving dinner at the end of November - with a month more of indulging to go! Needless to say , I'm stuffing myself into my clothes. So I'll have quite a bit of damage control work ahead of me in the new year...

Loukia said...

Oh, I know! No matter what I do, I can't seem to get rid of the extra weight around my belly! I mean, I haven't really tried 'working out' or doing 'crunches' but I heard those might help SOMEWHAT!! ;) Instead, for the last 3 weeks I've been suffering through a diet that consists of NO CARBS - only carbs I'm eating are lettuce, damn it! But I have lost 12 pounds. I know quite a few pounds will be put back on tomorrow night, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, and that's okay because I'm NOT giving up the delish food that is coming my way! How else are we suppose to really enjoy this festive season without eating all the goodies? Back on track in the New Year, right? ;)

Angela said...

I'd love to find out if something like Spanx actually works. As a strict small-and-low-slung-as-I-can-get-them thong-underwear type of gal, pouring myself into all that material just seems....wrong. And hot. And tight. And where does the roll go anyway - up to my boobs? (cuz believe me, I have one). Would I have a double-boob roll up top? That would just be wrong.

So get yourself a Spanx for the mid-section and then blog about it. I wanna know! :)

Lady Mama said...

Heather - good idea. Don't think about it. That'll work.

Metro Mum - I say treat yourself to the nice jeans. :)

Kate - yes, yes, the damage control can be done next year.

Loukia - Oh my gawd that diet sounds horrific. Good for you though! 12 lbs? That's impressive.

Angela - if I do I will definitely write about it!

ModernMom said...

LOL The bastard wobbly part...ha ha! That is what Spanx are for! You go eat what ever you want babe. You deserve it!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

WonderWife™ gave me two jars of bacon jam for Hanukkah, so I feel your pain. (Yes, I'm aware of the irony of that statement.)

Mocha Dad said...

I love Spanx and wear them often

Lil said...

I too am over indulging over the holiday. I love food! But I made the mistake of shopping for a bathing suit boxing day because of sales. What a way to put a damper on the holidays! So after New Year I will try to cut back on food and start working out..will try.

Lil said...

I mean during the New Year..tired mommy brain..