Monday, January 4, 2010

Is that a baby under your sweater or did you just eat too many pies?

I promise to stop banging on about the holiday weight gain. Soon.

But really! Having kids has transformed my figure in the most peculiar way. And I'm not talking about the not-so-perky-anymore boobs, the wider hips (they are wider I tell you), or the wobbly belly. I'm referring to the way my abdomen changes when I gain a few pounds now.

It looks - I look, kind of, well, pregnant. On a side note, I hope J doesn't read this post, otherwise he'll be all "maybe you should take a pregnancy test?" and I'll be all "I don't want to. I'm not pregnant." and he'll be all "but you are looking a bit pregnant" and I'll be all "oh my god you think I'm fat! Waaah!" Etc.

But you see, I caught sight of myself in the mirror yesterday, and I swear, the way my sweater curved over my abdomen was just eerily reminiscent of a baby bump. Immediately I sucked in my stomach to do away with the protrusion. I even poked my abdomen to determine the firmness of it, in case.

What worries me is not being pregnant (I'm definitely not, by the way), but the fear that some stranger might call me on it in public. Because that is the most horrifying thing ever.

I know, because it's happened to me.

Two months after I gave birth to my first son, I was in a coffee shop with a group of ladies from my prenatal class. A woman at the next table got up to leave, and as she did, stopped to gawk at my son and the other babies.

"Awww! How beautiful!" She swooned. "And another one in the oven?" She said cheerily gesturing to my tummy.

I about died. "No." I said, shaking my head and trying not to blush.

"Oh god! Oh I'm sorry!" The woman looked almost as mortified as me. I almost felt bad for her.

So, I'm working on losing the bump fast because it's simply not cool to have strangers think, or worse - say you're pregnant when you're not. Also, let this be fair warning to all people - male and female: only if you are extremely certain - so certain you'd wager your last month's salary on it - should you ever imply a woman is pregnant.
Stumble ThisFav This With TechnoratiAdd To Del.icio.usDigg ThisAdd To Reddit Bookmark Twitter

17 comments:

Midwest Mommy said...

When I was student teaching I *almost* did this. It would have been bad very bad. Ever since I don't care if I can see a foot sticking out I am not congratulating anyone, lol

James (SeattleDad) said...

My most mortifying moment was when I asked a woman who had given birth 4 days before when exactly her due date was. Yeeeesh! She was cool about it though. Thankfully.

Heather said...

you had a two month old child and they thought you were knocked up already? that's just bad math.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Way better to be safe than sorry! And I'm with Heather, what was she thinking - that is Irish twins and then some.

Mwa said...

I've asked that of someone and they said no, only to admit it two weeks later and they were six months gone! That is just silly.

Elaine A. said...

Obviously you know I'm right there with you sister! We can not look pregnant. YES WE CAN! ;-)

Tania-Dreams2010 said...

Oh I'm relating to your post ahah. My sister in law is 2 1/2 months pregnant and my belly looks just like hers! My mom asked if I was pregnant too!! I started a new diet/exercise plan :) lol

Angela said...

I have signed up for Pilates - the classes on the machines (reformers). I'll letcha know in two months if it makes any difference. I've gained 10 lbs, all around my belly, in the last 4 months!

Sparkless said...

Just stop wearing such tight tops that show off your tummy. Or you can kill yourself trying to get rid of your tummy. Good luck with that.

Loukia said...

I hate people who ask if you're pregnant - that happened to me 3 weeks after I had my first son, and I was so embarrassed, but at the same time, I was like: GOD YOU ARE DUMB, WOMAN!!!! (To the person who asked me!) So wrong... unless it is SOOOOOO 100% obvious, you know? Anyway... My tummy area will never be the same. I'm not dedicated enough to work out to have super flat abs... clothes do fit differently, everything has shifted... sigh... good luck to you, my friend. We're in this together!!!

..... Carmen said...

Trust me, you don't look pregnant - you are looking fabulous. I think we women are harder on ourselves than we need to be :)

Lady Mama said...

Midwest Mommy - I'm the same, I just don't ask!

James - Oh no! Oh well at least she was okay about it. I actually wasn't mad at the woman - I think I felt bad for her, she looked so embarrassed.

Heather - Really bad math. Haha.

Brit in Bosnia - Can you imagine having a 2 month old and being pregnant. I'd have to be a lunatic.

Mwa - Okay well that is kind of silly...

Elaine - Haha. We'll get the blasted weight off together! :)

Tania - Oh gawd. It's just the worst when someone asks if you are.

Angela - I'll be interested to hear how you get on. I've never done pilates.

Sparkless - but killing oneself for a flat stomach is so much more fun and makes for better blog reading! ;)

Loukia - How dumb can you get? Really! I'm not dedicated enough either but I'd settle for a semi-flat tummy. Good luck to us both! :)

Carmen - Thanks my friend. :) Yes we are, it's true.

Natalie at Mommy on Fire said...

I had someone ask me if I knew if I was having a boy or a girl...I was with my 2 year old daughter at the time. She said "Oh, silly. We know we have a boy because he's home with daddy!!!" I joined Weight Watchers that night.
BUT, I will add that I think people who say things like this are just plain old D-U-M (and I mean to leave out the "B"!). Etiquette 101: NEVER comment on someone who is "pregnant" unless you know FOR SURE!!!

Nick the neighbour said...

yup I had a pregnant mom ask me when I was due, 6 weeks or so after I had the 3rd baby. I felt completely deflated, CRUSHED really, as I had just been thinking I was looking much slimmer. BAH! I gave her the ol' evil eye every time after that!

Metropolitan Mum said...

I knew it! HIPS ARE WIDER!! I am the same weight I was before being pregnant, but still, I won't fit into my old jeans. The last button just doesn't want to close. Doesn't my body understand? Baby is out!! No need to be that generous with space.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Pregnancy made my stomach much flatter than it was before. I think it stretched out all of those muscles that protruded pre-pregnancy. BUT it's also kind of saggy and wrinkly. So I wouldn't say I love the transformation...

Of course I say this as said stomach is sitting on top of my waistband... I think I enjoyed the holidays a bit too much.

Maybe in my next life I'll have a perfect stomach that can be flat and firm at the same time.

Mom Mayhem says: said...

Unfortunately-I've been there before :( I hope to one day loose the "baby bump" too -Good Luck!