Friday, October 8, 2010

Dear Drive-Thru Bank Customers

Dear Drive-Thru Bank Customers,

You may remember seeing me yesterday at the drive-thru. I was the one at the back of the obscenely long queue, waving around and demanding to know - as if you could hear me - WHY IN THE NAME OF MARYJOSEPHANDMYLITTLEPONY you were all sitting there in the queue, instead of getting out your car and WALKING to the bank with those useful things on the ends of your legs. 

You see, I had a reason want to use the drive-thru two: TWO YOUNG CHILDREN. 

Let's compare: For YOU to get out of your car and go into the bank, this is what happens: you get out of your car and go into the bank. For ME, this is what happens: I unstrap my two kids, struggle across the parking lot with one on my hip, clutching the other by the hand because he is probably trying to escape in the direction of an oncoming car, squeeze through the door, which someone just dropped on me, and then attempt to do my transaction without someone running back out the door / tipping everything out my purse on the floor / screaming as if being murdered / attempting to pull a stranger's pants down. And then the same thing again, back to the car.

See the difference? It's kinda like eating a piece of lemon meringue pie compared to growing an orchard of lemons for three years and raising chickens to make the eggs for the meringue and THEN making the cake from scratch. I'd say.

And you know, I'm really quite a nice person, most of the time, and had it been minus-ten degrees, or had the ground been covered in a slippery layer of ice, I might have understood you wanting to sit in that never-ending queue that probably ended up taking about TEN TIMES the amount of time it would have take for you to park walk to the bank. But, the thing is, yesterday it was a BALMY 22 DEGREES outside. Warm enough, you might agree, to GET OUT YOUR STEEL SAFETY BOX and walk the WHOLE TEN FEET to the bank.

And so, yes, that was me, reversing out of the ridiculously windy drive-thru (what kind of twisted maniac designed that thing?), because I had this strange suspicion that sitting in a drive-thru queue for FOUR HOURS might not have gone down incredibly well with my kiddos. And, if you MUST know, after I backed out of there, I then, to satisfy my need to find out THE TRUTH, drove back around, and drove past you all, really slowly, to see whether, in fact, any of you had kids in your car - because maybe, there really WAS a good reason for you all to be sitting there! Maybe I was just being irrational.
And guess what? Can you? Go on, take a little guess.

Not a single droplet of a child was to be seen in ANY of your cars.

I know, it's a lot to ask - to ask you to actually employ the muscles of your body and get out of your car and use your arm to open the bank door - which really is very heavy, and then step inside the bank where you are confronted by GREAT BIG MENACING MACHINES that ask you mean questions like "what is your pin number?" and "how much money do you want to withdraw?". Or, worse, you might have to actually speak to a REAL PERSON. And why? Why in the name of the universe, would you EVER, EVER get out your car if you didn't need to?

You're right, it's unthinkable. 

Yours not-at-all-irate.

Lady Mama
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The Tompkins Family said...

Never has a post rang truer. I hear ya, I really, really hear ya!! I totally used to think they were for lazy people, I mean, who can't get out of their vehicle and walk 4 steps into the bank. And then I had a kid. And it became a lifesaver!

Midwest Mommy said...

My bank doesn't have a drive-thru. Yep, I know!

Loukia said...

ARGH! SO ANNOYING! SO sorry. :( Just like people who are able to walk up stairs or use the escalator who use the elevator when the elevator should be reserved for people in wheelchairs and/or STROLLERS!!!!

James (SeattleDad) said...

The nerve. You need to take them to parent court.

I just made that up. But hey, that's a great idea for a post.

Just don't beat me too it. I'm slow.

Mammatalk said...

They probably don't have kids yet. But, when they do, you'll have your revenge...somewhere....someday! And, you'll enjoy it!

Momma Sunshine said...


Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I've often thought the same. The same with gas pumps, dragging the kids out of the car to pay for gas bites!

Mwa said...

I just can't get over the idea of the drive-through bank. Freaky.