Friday, October 15, 2010

Two is a perfect number.


Having two sons close together is so practical it's almost unreal.

Despite the crazy hard side of raising two small boys at the same time, we couldn't have planned it better. I'm beginning to see that now. Two sons, 19 months apart, the oldest still basically a baby when the youngest was born. Neither of them will remember a time before the other.

And we should be awarded some kind of environmental medal for all the materials we've saved. Clothes have been passed down (the boys are almost just one size apart now), toys shared, books divvied. Almost as soon as I'm placing a tub of Matthew's clothes into storage, I'm pulling it out again for Oliver. Matthew was only recently finished with his baby bouncer when his brother stepped in to use it.

Meals are easy because they eat the same foods, almost the same quantities too. Even playdates are are partaken together. Last month I bought new winter coats and simply picked up a matching pair (couldn't resist). I could write a book on the many ways two kids close in age are convenient.

Two boys are just right for us. A family of four. No need to upgrade our car to a minivan. One parent for each child. Not overwhelming for a babysitter. I'm back in my career, tasting independence in small doses.

It's a perfect scenario.

And yet...

Yes, there's an "an yet".

There are occasions where I can't shake this tiny, nagging feeling that I might want to go and interrupt our nice, practical situation by having a third child. And it makes no sense whatsoever. And maybe what I'm experiencing is just a natural maternal yearning - the kind that will take place every single year for the next ten years no matter how many children I have. Perhaps.


When I think about the practical implications of a third child, I'm pretty sure I start grinding my teeth. Our house has three bedrooms. Our car only seats four. I want to be able to travel back to England to see my family (imagine that with three!). I want my career. I want a little bit of freedom from time to time.

In no uncertain terms, three would change everything. And yet... that completely impractical part of my brain - the one that purchases shoes beyond my budget and ignores letters because the magical fairies will take care of them - keeps gently nudging me, oh but another baby...

Dear impractical portion of brain: Shut up!

I wish I could say I'm finished having kids, and be content with it.

I wish I could remind myself of the many sleepless nights I've endured (still am) these last few years.

I wish I was more practical.

But.
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15 comments:

Loukia said...

I know what you mean. I am so happy with two. Two is the perfect number. We don't need a bigger car, or a mini-van. We don't need to get a bigger house. We can afford vacations and airfare. One hotel room, 2 beds. It all fits together so nicely... not to mention, 2 boys, 2 years apart? Yup, pretty sweet!
But yes, I sometimes think... oh, but another little baby to love! Another sweet darling! And then I think... fat me. No sleep. Wah. Probably not going to happen! ;)

Kim said...

food for thought- many people look back and say "Man, I wish we'd had more"
but virtually no one says "Man, I wish we'd had fewer" :)

Lady Mama said...

Loukia - yes, the weight gain - not appealing!

Kim - did you have to say that? ;-)

Mwa said...

Having kids is NEVER practical. Not the first, not the second and obviously not the third time.

melissa said...

i thought i was done at two. even after i got divorced, i still thought i was done. but, i never REALLY felt done. and when i got remarried, i had my 3rd. it was the best decision.
now...i'm done.

Sara said...

You know where i am at one this one - obviously I was either totally delierious or drunk. But it certainly seems to me those who are done at 2 - know they are done.
The rest of us, well I think we just get to enjoy all the impracticalities that come with the joy of another little person to love and join in the happy chaos!

Midwest Mommy said...

My mind started wandering too when we decided we were done after two. It's hard. I always think, well what if. But I too, am very happy with our current family.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

DO IT! Go for #3! Throw the practicality and caution to the wind!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Sounds like the seed has been planted. At least figuratively.

fiona2107 said...

The practical part of my brain screams. " No, don't do it!"

I agree with all the carseat / bedrooms / parent to child ratios / expense factors and I know personally how much my workload went up from two to three kids. Much more than from one to two kids.

Going from one to two kids means the workload doubles but going from two to three, the workload goes up exponentially!!


However........my husband and I decided we were only ever having 2 children regardless or the sex of them and cited all the same practical reasons that you listed.

I agreed to this wholeheartedly but there was always a part of me that wondered "what if"..... Like Sara said - some people just know that 2 is their number and are fine with that but others of us wonder.......

And I agree wi th Kim too :)

And in the end we had no choice as our third was a complete surprise and very unplanned LOL!

Good luck!

naomi said...

My friends are now having their thirds because they feel this same way. I am done however. Good luck in your decision making.

Tammy said...

Ok ummmm... how many times now have I read about this on your blog... lol... may as well just go ahead and get on with the 3rd!! :) Just think how you can get even MORE use out of those toys!! :)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

It is hard, isn't it? We have two boys and are done, and I love it. However? It is NOT the easiest decision, is it?

Mammatalk said...

Decisions, decisions! I've been there! Good luck with yours!

Elaine A. said...

I always think if there's a "BUT" there's a good possibility that a third is on the horizon. It's really pretty awesome. This coming from someone who was TOTALLY surprised by the third... :-) In a good way...