I have an amazing knack for finding excuses. I can't go running today because the sky has this ominous look about it / I needed that piece of 5000 calorie cake because I was having a bad day / I had to buy five new pairs of pink polka-dot socks because my sock drawer was looking sad and dull and needed cheering up.
Excuses for everything. Excuses all around. Weeeeeeeee.
Lately (and when I say lately, I mean approximately the past three years), my supreme excuse has been - I can't do XYZ because I'm still in "survival mode".
Survival Mode is the state in which you're coping rather than thriving. You're getting through the day on a thread of sanity, relying on a constant stream of quietly muttered reassurances that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY, REPEAT. You treat yourself to another chocolate from your secret stash, and perhaps lock yourself in the bathroom with a glass of wine at four o'clock, because that's what you need to do to get through the day.
In survival mode, you don't have time for things like eating healthily, exercising or resting. Your focus is on getting through the day alive. It's been my get-out-of-jail-free card for such a long time now - my reason to end all reasons for not getting around to doing a many, many things.
The problem is, I think this excuse might go on forever. Because after this phase of survival, there'll be another, equally taxing phase. And after that, another.
And then the other night, as I was snacking on some leftover valentines chocolates, something snapped. I thought THIS HAS TO STOP.
The truth is I'm not in survival mode anymore: I sleep through the night now (mostly); I have a little free time here and there; the kids are a little older and I'm a little less stressed. And therefore I have to stop using this excuse.
Time to start exercising and eating better!
No more excuses!
From tomorrow, obviously.