Wednesday, March 30, 2011

If Advertising was Honest.

As I was chugging back spoonfuls of Buckley's cough syrup last week, I remembered the company's tagline, "It Tastes Awful. And It Works.". It made me chuckle - it was so true. And I thought, wouldn't it be great if more companies used raw honesty in their advertising. And being one to always take a concept too far, I went ahead and made a whole slew of my own "honest" slogans. Oh yes I did.


Walmart:  Awful store, but damn cheap.

Lululemon:  Hideously over-priced polyester, but it really DOES make your bum look smaller.

Starbucks:  With all the money you spent on venti no-foam double-whip extra-hot lattes, you probably
could have retired early.

Apple:  Sexier than Microsoft.

Facebook:  Catch up with old friends and then you wish you hadn't.

Twitter:  Pretend you know loads of people.

Visa:  Have what you can't afford. RIGHT NOW.

Toys"R"Us:  Come in smiling, leave screaming.

UPS:  It might get there on time, then again it might not.

Ikea: Swedish furniture so cheap you'll think you robbed us.

Yellow Pages:  Still dumping heavy books on your doorstep even though no one uses them anymore.

Costco:  For those occasions when you need five hundred kitchen rolls and a packet of gummy bears.


(And that, friends, is why I'm not an advertising copywriter.)

Feel free to join in! Your turn.

* McDonalds: ...
* Google: ...
* You Tube: ...
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blueviolet said...

Oh but you should be. Those are brilliant, and so stinkin' accurate!

Stephanie Faris said...

Hahaha, how I love it! I have one for McDonalds.

McDonalds: Yeah, it's junk, but at least you don't have to cook tonight.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Youtube: Really, you'd have found a way to waste the time anyway.

jules said...

Thanks for making me chuckle.....

Lil said...

LOL I love the Toys r Us one!
Stephanie-so funny but true!

Stephanie said...

LOVE the yellow pages one!!!!!! Too funny!!!!! I cringe every time we get a new one...and all the trees that went into making it. I wonder if there is a way to opt out???? The only time I ever use it is if I need to find soemthing and the computer is off. But that will soon be remedied...I will finally be getting an iPhone or a Blackberry in a few months!

Anonymous said...

They do make your bum look smaller, damn you Lululemon!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Those are awesome.

Drawing blanks though on any others.

WhisperingWriter said...

I like these.

So true about Walmart.

As for McDonalds, I guess mine would be "where tummies are filled and thighs expand." Or something like that.

Amanda said...

Found a use for our new Yellow Pages: let the toddler destroy it (and hope she leaves real books alone!).

Love your slogans! Would like to add one, but child-numbed-brain is blank...

Anonymous said...

You Tube: Procrastination just got interesting.

Meh, I'm not that funny. Well done you though!