Sunday, March 27, 2011

"Mums can be stylish too!" ... and other nuggets of wisdom.

*Warning: this post is bitchy. I blame all the coca cola I drank while I was sick.*

"Mums can be stylish too!", the twenty-something girl doing my hair exclaimed in a serious but optimistic way, as she stretched and twisted my hair around the paddle of her brush and applied fifteen unnecessary products. I stifled a laugh and then, realizing she was not joking, wondered what she - with her leggings and boots and hairstyle that probably took fifty minutes to put together this morning - must have thought of me - with my sweater and jeans and comfortable shoes and tired expression.

My usual hairdresser was on holiday and though usually I'd wait for her to return (because she is the bestest and most awesomest stylist in the world), I decided my hair situation was simply too dire to put off the appointment, and agreed instead to see the next available person.

I'll call her Cindy.

The appointment started with a fifteen minute verbal fight discussion about precisely what kind of bangs I wanted (apparently there are many, many types of bangs), and then moved swiftly onto the question of whether I would, in fact, be able to find the time to care for said bangs, what with me having two whole children and all.

Cindy was not convinced I would be able to handle it. She tapped her fingers and looked at me from the corner of her eyes with her head turned pensively, to assess whether she deemed me a suitable candidate for bangs.

Finally, a few minutes later, she relented, gushing that, actually I would LOVE bangs, and that they would be super easy to look after.

Awesome.

After that, the conversation flowed relentlessly, and I'm pretty sure we covered everything in Western culture from the price of commodities to the drug problem of today's youth. (All highly serious topics will in future be written in italics to denote the seriousness of the subject.)

If you'd been a fly on the wall at my appointment, these are some of the statements you might have been privy to.

***

"It's really hard being a mom."

"Me, I want four kids, personally."

"I don't have any, yet."

"You go to work, and then you come home and they're screamin' and attacking you!"

"I don't know why people have kids."

***

"But I worry about kids growing up these days, what with all the cocaine!"

"Everyone's doing it."

"And it's expensive too."

"Its... like... hmm, how much is it? Oh I don't remember now."

"If you take enough of it, it can really damage your brain!"

***

"Men! They don't have a clue do they!"

"They never change!"

"They're all the same!"

"Tsk."

***

"My back is killing me, I really need a massage."

"Really - you're a massage therapist?"

"You don't even KNOW how good massage therapy is for you!"

"Oh wait, you do."

"I don't know if anyone has told you this, but the average lifespan of a massage therapist is five years."

"It's really hard work."

***

I listened to all the morsels of wisdom, and responded accordingly, nodding and shaking my head at the right moments, because in the end I just wanted my damn hair to be cut and made shiny.

And, actually, Cindy did do a very nice job.

So I gave her a good tip, told her to get that massage, and vowed to never visit a different hairdresser again.

The end (of my bitchiness. Normal, nice-person blogging will resume in two days).
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16 comments:

Kori said...

Too funny! Chalk it up to immaturity. Did you hear about my good news? Kori xoxo

http://www.blondeepisodes.com/2011/03/wordless-wednesday-and-great-news.html

Elaine A. said...

I love "the average lifespan of a message therapist is five years." HA HA HA! At least you were well entertained while getting your hair done...

WhisperingWriter said...

LOL! I cracked up over the cocaine comment.

Christy said...

That was bitchy? I think you went easy on her! But you made me giggle, so thank you! And, I think your bangs look fab!

Metropolitan Mum said...

That's so funny, how did you manage not to get up and stab her with her sodded scissors?
Cocaine damages your brain... well, yeah, obviously.

LisaDay said...

Those a great pieces of advice.

Ha, ha.

LisaDay

blueviolet said...

I have learned the most interesting tidbits while in the hairdresser's chair too! I loved what you gathered that day. :)

Loukia said...

Ahh! I would have been SO annoyed! I hope she didn't totally ruin your experience!

Jenny said...

wow. gotta love polite hairdressers. I once dared to get bangs and when I was "lucky" enough to wind up with the same girl several months later and told her I no longer wanted bangs, she said "yeah, i probably told you it was a bad idea for you." awesome.

Stephanie Faris said...

I just looked at the pictures in the blog below. I love the bangs! Now, why would those be so hard to care for? Is she talking about curling them or something? Seems to me there'd be just as much maintenance on them as the rest of your hair.

Captain Dumbass said...

Hopefully she decides on a puppy instead of children.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Hmm. If she has this hard of a time deciding on YOUR bangs, I question how she will ever cut her (future) screaming children's hair. Makes you wonder...

Emma said...

Your hot bangs are worth the crazy conversation, right? You look great. She is worrisome!

Kristy said...

I love it! That dialogue was choppy, fast, and fun! I could picture it. The young idiot girl. I mean that in the nicest way.

ModernMom said...

Bwhaha Oh I'm sorry but I love the "bitchiness". Your stylist sounds very entertaining and she did a great job so I think she's a keeper!

Stephanie said...

OMG!! Just because you pop out a kid doesn't mean you can't look good! But a hairstyle that takes an hour to do each day has never ever been something I desired...even before I had kids!