Monday, March 14, 2011

Why I'll never be a hairdresser.

Last night I found out that my husband has had sideburns for fifteen years. In that time he's never shaved them off. Which means that since we've been together - since I've known him - he's had sideburns.

He told me that, right after I accidentally shaved them off.

I'm not sure how I came to be the family hairdresser, since I am neither qualified at cutting hair, nor am I good at it. But in the end, it didn't last long, because one time when I cut my son's hair I became a little over-zealous with the bang-trimming and what resulted was a cut not unlike Friar Tuck's.

After the Friar Tuck incident I agreed to NEVER AGAIN cut either boys' hair. But I continued cutting J's, since his was more straight-forward. I've been cutting his hair for a few years now. This detail will become important in a minute.

I'm one of those people who never notices haircuts, hair styles, hair preferences, or any thing hair-related really. You could be my friend, my neighbour, my husband (ahem), or my mother, and I might not notice. You could dye your hair green and glue it together to form the shape of a sea horse and I'd probably be all "Hi, wow, something is different - did you get a new pair of shoes?".

Which explains why, after I'd finished cutting my husband's hair last night, I began to trim his sideburns, thinking that that was what we normally did.

But apparently that was not what we normally did.

I was finishing up, checking over the cut to make sure I hadn't missed anything (also checking him out because he's particularly handsome after a fresh cut). And then went about what I believed was my usual routine of trimming the sideburns.

I trimmed the top part, then asked.

"So then you'll do the rest of the sideburns?"

Because that's what he usually did...

"No. What do you mean?"

"Well, you can't leave them like this, because there's a whole..."

"Um. What?"

And it was then that I realized.

Oh. Shit.

I had trimmed a hole in the sideburns, a gap between the top and bottom parts. From here, there really was no other option, than to shave it all off.

So that's what he did.

I lay in bed that night, thinking about how I could make it up to him. I thought about sneaking out while he was asleep, grabbing a Sharpie, and drawing his sideburns back on. But that probably wouldn't work, because then I'd be tempted to draw on glasses and a mustache too and that would completely ruin the whole effect.

And then I considered shaving off my eyebrows to show some camaraderie.

But I like my eyebrows.

And so, instead, I decided the best gift I could give would be to never, ever, cut anyone's hair, ever again.
Stumble ThisFav This With TechnoratiAdd To Del.icio.usDigg ThisAdd To Reddit Bookmark Twitter


Lil said...

LoL We so need a pic!How does he look without side burns?

Lady Mama said...

He looks great! No pictures, sorry.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Niiiiice. I guess you get what you pay for. Poor guy. But hey, they will grow back.

Mwa said...

That's too funny!

Maybe I should try that sometime. My husband always guilts me into cutting his hair when it gets really long and I always tell him I'm not a hairdresser and I don't like doing it, but then he does something really nice and I can't say no. Maybe doing something stupid to it (sorry) will end that.

blueviolet said...

OOPS!!! I think your decision is best for him, for you, for the world. ;)

WhisperingWriter said...

Yeah, I know I couldn't cut hair. I'd botch it for sure.

The plus about hair is that it always grows back at least...

Metropolitan Mum said...

I hope you sneaked a picture? Would have loved to see his face the next morning when discovering his newly pencilled-on facial hair. If you ask me, that idea wasn't so bad.

Maria @BOREDmommy said...

My husband won't let me anywhere near his hair. Although, I am the official eyebrow trimmer girl. My favorite is bringing him to tears when I pluck out the gray ones. Dude is one big baby.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

We have a similar rule here. Actually, the same one. it came about in much the same way, in which Corey asked me to help cut his hair. Um, really? Who asks an ADHD woman to do that? He has been shaving his head bald since that incident. I think it is much better this way.

Elaine A. said...

So, can you tell a difference looking at him now? HA! And what does he think? Doesn't seem like he was too upset about it, which is good... :)

nmaha said...

You are hilarious. This is my first time here and I completely enjoyed it.

I cut my daughter's hair since she's too young to know otherwise.

LisaDay said...

Luckily my husband cuts his own hair. I just trim the neck and I try to remember to go as straight as possible. Often that means going higher and higher until I give up. I think you should keep your eyebrows and add the mustache and glasses to your artwork.