Sunday, March 18, 2012

Do These Crutches Make Me Look Fat?

Doctor: "So when did the accident happen?"

Me: "2:45 this afternoon."

Doctor: "That's pretty precise!"

Me: "Yes. I remember because I started my run fifteen minutes later at 3:00."

Doctor: "Um. You fell down the stairs and then you went for a run?"

Me: Defensively. "I didn't realize I'd done any damage! My leg felt okay after the fall! And I was on my way to the treadmill so I just ....went!"

Doctor: "Mm hmm."

Me: Embarrassed silence.

Doctor: Scribbles notes about patient being total lunatic.

Doctor: "And when did the pain begin to set in?"

Me: "About two hours later - at my sons' swimming class."

Doctor: "And have you taken anything for the pain?"

Me: "Yes." Floating up to the ceiling. "Some lovely Tylenol with codeine. It's made everything magically feel better."

Doctor: Raising eyebrow. "And now why would you have Tylenol with codeine sitting around?"

Me: "I didn't! My mother-in-law gave them to me! She had them leftover from the dentist!"

Doctor: "Oh I see. Pretty awesome mother-in-law you got there."

Me: "Yup."

Doctor: Feeling around my knee. "Ooh, so you're hyper flexible!"

Me: "Yes." Winking at J who pretends not to notice.

Doctor: "Well, you haven't broken anything. Looks like you've torn your meniscus."

Me: "Oh God no! Not my MENISCUS!"

Me: "Wait - which one is that?"

Doctor: "The cartilage in between your patella and shin bone."

Me: "Oh God!"

Doctor: "And I'm afraid you've probably just given yourself arthritis in the knee."

Me: "Really? Arthritis? Really?"

Doctor: "Yup."

Me: "Bugger."

Doctor: "And you're going to need to take it easy for a while. What do you do for a living?"

Me: "I have a three- and four-year old and I'm a massage therapist."

Doctor: "Okay, so not much rest then. Just rest when you can."

Me: "Hahahahaha. Okay. Rest. Absolutely."

Doctor: "And obviously no more running."

Me: "Right. For the next week."

Doctor: Again with the eyebrow. "It's probably not a good idea. Period."

Me: "Oh. Okay." And then, to J, in what I imagined to be a whisper but was more like a quiet shout. "I am totally going running again in two weeks!"

Doctor: "In the meantime, here's a prescription for some more T3s if you need them. And grab a pair of crutches on the way out."

It took a while to get the hang of walking with crutches, but finally I did. I even tried to show J some dance moves using my new crutches. He wasn't all that impressed - something to do with it being midnight and us having been in the hospital all night and needing to get some sleep. But I'm glad to report that four days later I'm up and about again without the crutches. Hurray! And there's nothing quite like an injury to make you genuinely appreciate working limbs.

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Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

What? You poor thing! You must have a high pain threshold to even think about not slowing down. I would soak it up and milk it for all it was worth!

But I'm so sorry!

Lady Mama said...

No - a low pain threshold actually! I just hate being inactive. Plus the pain-killers were probably affecting my better judgment!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

My husband had the exact same injury and it took about 2 months before he could do anything like run. Take it seriously! But that said - I don't buy the "no running ever again" idea. It's just going to take a long time to heal. So maybe you'll have to switch to swimming as your exercise for a while (and I'm feel like a dork suggesting that since I can't swim to save my life - never made it out of intermediate in summer camp - I swim into the ropes)

Fingers crossed for a fast recovery!

Lady Mama said...

I know - swimming would be the ideal exercise for me right now! Problem is by the time I can actually go (i.e. the evening when my other half is home) I'm too tired to head down to the pool. Now if only I had my own pool... I can dream.

Stephanie said...

Oh no! Boo to crutches and yeah for T3s! Hope you feel better soon:)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I laughed the whole way through this!!

Carmen said...

Based on the title I was hoping for a photo ;)

Lady Mama said...

Carmen, I know--I totally should have taken a photo (of me dancing with my crutches) but by the time I wrote the post I wasn't using them any more and then it just seemed wrong to take a photo of me with them!

My Educational Journey said...

Oh no...hope you are recovering. Love the story, at first i thought it was just a story and then I realized it was true. Tried to imagine you with crutches and two little kids running round.

Kristy @PampersandPinot said...

Foot and leg injuries are so annoying! I hope you heal fast!